This Tower on My Hands (2019, rev. 2021)

Instrumentation: Piccolo, 4 Flute , Oboe, 2 Bassoon, Contrabassoon, Eb Clarinet, 4 Bb Clarinet, Bass Clarinet, Contrabass Clarinet, Saxophone SATB, Harp, Piano, 4 Trumpet, 4 Horn, 3 Trombone, Bass Trombone, Euphonium, Tuba, Double Bass, Timpani, 4 Percussion

Difficulty: Advanced

Duration: 5’

Currently unavailable for purchase.

“I wanted to make an honest film. No lies whatsoever. I thought I had something so simple to say. Something useful to everyone. A film to help bury forever all the dead things we carry around inside. Instead, it’s me who lacks the courage to bury anything at all. Now I’m utterly confused, with this tower on my hands.”

- 8 1/2 (1963),

dir. Federico Fellini

Back in 2017, before I was a composition student of Dr. Kay He, I started writing a piece for concert band (how naive I was to think I was ready for that without having taken an orchestration class or, like, even knowing how a harp works). I “finished” it eventually simply because I was tired of working on it. 

Cut to 2021 and I decide to send virtually every file in my folder of finished works to my publisher, T.U.X. People’s Music, including this old concert band piece I’ve never settled on whether I like or not. To my surprise, they decide to publish it. I’m thrilled! But also terrified, because I know the orchestration is a mess and there are so many things I want to change. T.U.X., being the understanding and wonderful company they are, give me time to revise and ultimately, re-compose the entire piece!

I changed the title from the uninspired Dreamworlds to a reference to the Federico Fellini film 8 1/2. Fellini’s masterpiece is a film about making the film you are watching, and I felt that this fit nicely with a piece that is essentially about the process of writing the piece. At the end of 8 1/2, the protagonist realizes all that is necessary for the creation of worthwhile art is embracing his artistic instincts. I’d like to think I came to that same realization, as I kept all the harmonic and melodic material and virtually only changed the overall structure, orchestration, and rhythmic complexity. 

I’m happy to say that I turned a piece I was hesitant to put into the world to something I am genuinely proud of as my first large ensemble work.